Its official, the holiday season is here! Does just thinking about all the shopping, entertaining, and decorating and your ever-shrinking budget send you into a tizzy? Relax. With a bit of thoughtful preparation and some helpful parameters, you can achieve the look and outcome you want for you and your family-without being so stressed you can’t enjoy the season.

What are the tips to reduce stress and still enjoy the holiday season?

1. Spend Smarter

* Consider a budget. Don’t get caught shopping until you’ve given some consideration to how much you are able to spend. Think of those credit card bills in January-what can you honestly handle? If you love to shop, it may seem to take some fun out of it, but being faced with big bills in the New Year isn’t fun either.

* Be specific. Once you’ve put a realistic limit on spending, you know what you have to work with. Are you getting just a few high quality gifts or would it be better to get a number of less expensive gifts so kids and family have more to open? You decide what works best for you. Encourage your extended family to draw names instead of everyone getting gifts for the whole family.

* Make a list. You can make it very specific or general. Coming up with ideas of what your family would like gives you a starting point and helps you estimate how much you plan to spend on each person.

* Use only one credit card. This will help to keep track of purchases.

2. Shop Shrewder

* Start early. Don’t run the risk of being frustrated because they have run out of what you wanted. If you enjoy the hustle and bustle of last minute shopping, save it for small gifts such as stocking stuffers or little treats. Get the bigger items out of the way first.

* Go online. You are savvy enough to know this can lead to finding things at a lower price. You can also research where to find something if you want to buy in person and save time driving from one mall to another.

* Negotiate. It may surprise you to know that it is possible to ask for a lower price. You never know until you try. If you are buying in bulk, one or more could be slightly soiled, or you are in a small store that is owner owned and willing to bargain. They want the sale. Give it a try.

3. Entertain Effortlessly

* KISS: Keep it simple sister! As much as possible simplify the event. Make part of the menu take-out items from your favorite deli. Ask some guests to bring their specialty- most likely they will be happy you asked. Invite a family member or friend to co-host. If a fine dining experience is a must, hire some help. Plan to do as much as you can in advance. Setup the table the day before and prepare as much of the menu ahead of time.

* How about January? Some social events could be delayed until January. Consider which ones can be postponed. People’s schedules are generally more open mid-January. You may find more people can make it and you will have a better time because you aren’t so tired.

4. Downsize Decorating

* Get the whole family to help. Rethink how you want the house to look based on the ages of your children. What can they do so they can be a part of the celebration as well? If much of your decorating is complicated and time consuming, perhaps you want to pare things down a bit until your children are older. The point is to have FUN! And it’s no longer fun if you are up late at night working on hanging, arranging, etc. after everyone is in bed.

* Rein in. Count how many boxes you’ve taken down from storage. Sort out those items that you are tired of looking at or that simply look a bit tired. Donate them to a shelter or retirement home. They won’t think they look tired and will greatly appreciate new items to liven up the place. Decide to use some of the boxes and put the rest away. You won’t miss the decorations you didn’t use.

This year make your resolution BEFORE the holidays begin: More fun, less stress! Use these tips to keep stress at a minimum and enjoy the holidays. Which tips did you find most helpful? Please share what you did to make your holidays less stress on my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/clearpatheducation

The Thanksgiving meal has been estimated to be 4,500 calories and 229 grams of fat!

But don’t blame the turkey. It’s all those side dishes loaded with butter, sugar, cream and oil. And after this celebration come the rest of the parties and celebrations.

Some health experts estimate party-goers and holiday celebrators could add up to as much as 5 pounds from Labor Day to New Years.

Others point out that even if the weight gain is only a pound or two, the weight put on during the holiday season often isn’t shed during the New Year.

The good news is: gaining weight is not a hopeless conclusion!

With planning and a little knowledge you can enjoy holiday fare without seeing an increase on the bathroom scale. Recognize some pitfalls that come with celebrating and put these tips to good use…and come January, those skinny jeans still fit!

10 challenges of holiday eating & 10 helpful tips for a successful outcome:

1. Skipping meals so you can “indulge”

Do you give up breakfast or lunch to “save up” your calories and can eat more? Hunger invites overeating. You could eat a lot in the time (20 minutes) it takes for your brain to get the message from your stomach: I am full.

TIP: Eat a healthy breakfast (or lunch). Make sure you have protein and ease off on the carbs. There will be plenty served at the main event.

2. Controlling your Portions

Rule of thumb: Take only one helping. No seconds. Don’t finish everything. Leave a small amount.

TIP: Use your hand as a portion guide: 

Closed Fist                                          = 1 cup

Palm (without fingers or thumb)   = 3-4 oz

Thumb                                                = 1 oz

3. Grazing & Mindless Eating

Do you fill up on all the snacks and hors d’oeuvres? An eye-catching smorgasbord of salty nuts, crunchy crackers, creamy cheese, mountains of potato chips and dip placed conveniently in front of the HD TV is so tempting. It’s likely you could eat an entire meal of over 1000 calories… even before the main event!

Tip: Be mindful of those little snacks. They add up quickly. One small handful of nuts is about 200 calories, the size and amount of a regular snack.

4. Selecting which foods to eat from a huge array of choices

Contrary to popular belief, you DO NOT need to have a serving of everything. Be choosy. Save your calories for the foods you really like and crave.

Tip: To lower calories:

1) Select white over dark meat-skip the skin

2) Use butermilk, fat-free chicken broth, fat-free sour cream or fat-free evaporated milk instead of butter in your mashed potatoes

3. Use a high fiber bread to make the dressing instead of prepackaged white bread cubes

4) Skip the dinner roll

5) Make the yams with crushed pineapple in its own juice instead of adding syrup or brown sugar. Add 2 tsp cinamon and 1 tsp chili powder for a flavor boost.

6)  Skip the green bean casserole with its deep fried onions and stir fry fresh green beans with a dash of olive oil

5. All or Nothing Thinking

I’ve already blown it by eating too much so I might as well enjoy myself.

TIP: Be kind to yourself. You may have slipped a bit, but tomorrow is another day.

6. Indulging…isn’t that what the holiday is all about?

TIP: Choose the lightest option (pumpkin is fewer calories than pecan). Eat only one piece. Eat only half. Skip the crust. You can enjoy a treat without over doing it.

7. Having so many “Leftovers”

Why do they always taste better the day after? Because you are not stuffed! Food tastes better when you are hungry.

TIP: Enjoy them as an added treat. However, don’t feel obligated to eat them. It is okay to toss them as well.

8. Alcohol….Yes, No, or Less

For some, a holiday meal isn’t complete without accompanied by a fine wine.

TIP: Limit your intake. Alcohol dims your judgment and increases your appetite. Lighten the alcoholic content by drinking wine spritzers. Drink a glass of water between each glass of wine and aim for a limit of two.

9. Not enough Time to Exercise

TIP: Move don’t snooze. Instead of napping everyone helps clean-up and then maybe a walk or outdoor game. Fifteen minutes of walking briskly will get your blood circulating and burn at least 100 calories.

10. Too much Focus on  the Food

TIP: Focus on what is really important. Take time to reflect on all your blessings. Focus on the fellowship of family and good friends. Enjoy the conversation. Share stories and catch up on life.

I hope these tips will be helpful as you enjoy this holiday season. What tip or tips will you choose?

“Tell me how you’ve encouraged this.”

Michael’s mom, “Well, mostly we got tired of him not acknowledging or appreciating all the nice things we did for him. My husband and I were bothered by it until we had to admit, we didn’t often say thank you to each other either. We realized we weren’t setting a good example, so we made some big changes around the house.”

“Now, my husband always thanks me for his dinner. I thank him for putting gas in my car. We’ve made it sort of a fun game seeing who can thank each other the most for the simple gestures we do for each other. It’s actually made things happier around the house and improved our relationship!”

Mom and dad got it right. You teach thankfulness by modeling thankfulness. Weave it into your daily life until it becomes second nature.

* Be actively thankful

“My bed is so comfy. I’m so glad I have a nice bed.”
“This jacket sure keeps me warm. I really like it.”
“This is a yummy sandwich. Nice to feel full.”
“What a great book! So happy I can read to myself and you too!”

Reinforcing gratefulness is contagious. The more you show how thankful you are, the more your child will learn by example. Look for daily opportunities to express thankfulness. Special times for saying the nice things that happened that day or what you are thankful for could be at the dinner table, riding in the car, or before bedtime stories. Look for opportunities to say “thank you” throughout the day to both strangers and people you know. Consideration for others is a life-long trait you can begin to build in your child from early on.

* Encourage generosity

Kids are naturally self-centered. Gradually with your help, they can come to recognize the needs of others, but you have to nurture this awareness.

Sort through toys and have your child choose some for donation.
Sort through your closet and add your clothes to the donation.
Purchase extra food and have your child help you put it in the special bins at the grocery store.
Purposely buy only a few treats so the family has to “share” rather than each getting their own.
Assign simple chores, like dusting, folding laundry. Call them “contributions” to the family.
Provide crafts to make “gifts” so your child experiences gratitude from family & friends.

* Grant some wishes, but not all

Kids like stuff. For that matter we do too! But the more they have they less they appreciate it.

Set limits with well-wishing relatives on the amount of gifts for a celebration.
Sometimes it’s okay to just have a party-without gifts!
Stash some away for another time. All of them at once can be overwhelming.
“Not today.” Is a phrase you should feel comfortable with and use on a regular basis as needed.

Habits like these:

Modeling being thankful throughout the day

Finding ways for your kids to be generous

Setting limits on material stuff

All of these can make a positive difference in helping to raise a thankful child. It’s a long process that takes time and patience, but well worth the effort.

Mental health professionals believe thankfulness is directly related to personal happiness. Raising a thankful child helps develop a character trait that will serve them well in life and their relationships with others.

How about an experiement? Consider these habits and begin with raising your “graditude attitude” around the house. Notice how it impacts the family. Talk about it. Then as a family decide how you will all find ways to be more generous with less emphasis on “stuff.” Please let me know how it goes!

So I said, “Hey Chris, do you want to wear your jacket or carry it?”

“No response. Nothing. Didn’t even lift his head up. Time was running out and I really wanted him to wear his jacket. It was going to be a cold and rainy day.”

“All of a sudden my husband went into the hall closet and took out his jacket. (Chris has a jacket that looks just like his Dads.”)

My husband said, “Wow, This jacket is so warm and cozy. Rubbing his arm up and down the sleeve, “I’m so glad I’m wearing my jacket today. It looks really cold out there.”

“Chris popped up from what he was doing and literally ran into his bedroom and began taking off his shirt! What was he doing? I wanted him to WEAR a jacket, not take off his shirt? He proceeded to remove his short sleeve shirt and put on a long sleeve shirt, just like his Dad was wearing. Then he put on his jacket. “Ready! Let’s go,” he announced.”

“I was shocked. This “Joyfully modeling” thing really works! Not only did he wear his jacket, he even changed his shirt. He wanted to be just like Dad.”

This story is another great example of how powerful Joyful Modeling can be.

Want your child to brush their teeth, take a shower, clean their room?

• Brush your teeth with them.
• Sing loudly while you shower and exclaim how good it felt afterwards.
• Pick up your own room and announce how nice it feels to know where things are.

Don’t lecture. Lead by example, joyfully.

What self-care option or chores are you wanting your child to do that have been met with resistance? Try this and let me know. Eager to hear what you’ve joyfully modeled!

How well does it usually go for you when you introduce a new food to your children?

I’m guessing sometimes not so good. Children are creatures of habit and are not usually enthusiastic about changes in their diet-or other changes as well.

Find out how this clever mom and dad introduced a new food to their daughter. See if you can recognize the THREE tools they used to entice their daughter to eat avocado. I happen to love avocados, but I do think they are a bit of an acquired taste and may not appeal to young children. Enjoy this story of how a five-year old decided she was grown up enough to eat avocados!

“Previously, getting our daughter to try different foods could turn into a real power struggle. Wanting to expand her tastes beyond just carrots and peas, we decided to use some new Love and Logic tools we had just learned in class to get her to try  a bit of avocado in her salad. Here’s how we did it.”

First, I whispered to my husband…..

“You know avocados are a really delicious and healthy food. But don’t tell anyone.”

He whispered back, ” Thanks for telling me. I won’t tell our secret.”

The whispering was done at the dinner table and loud enough for our daughter to hear us both.

Then we began eating our avocado enthusiastically and with great relish.

Saying, “ YUM! This is so good. Wow, I want to eat the whole thing. This is delicious.” Too bad you can’t have any yet. This is adult food and you are not old enough to enjoy it.”

“To our surprise our daughter reached over to our plates and began eating the avocado. The more we announced how much we liked it, the more she ate. After it was all gone we both agreed she was old enough to eat avocado and we would be sure to serve it again. Big smile and a nod from her told us we now have three avocados lovers in our house!”

“Thanks Janada for teaching us these tools to introduce a new food. This was an entirely different outcome from our usual one of arguing and coaxing to try something new. We look forward to using again!”

What were the 3 Love and Logic tools?

1. Eaves Drop Value Setting: You whisper a value statement that you want your child to learn. Act like you are trying to keep it a secret.

2. Reverse Psychology: You tell them they aren’t old enough or ready to do something. This works because kids always want to emulate their parents.

3. Joyful modeling. Do something with great joy and enthusiasm. Don’t just talk, show by your actions how great or how fun something is.

Try out each of these tools the next time you want to introduce something new or get them to comply in some way. Please let me know how it goes.

What food will you be joyfully modeling???? Can’t wait to hear!

It’s the simplest yet most difficult skill.

It’s the most powerful yet hardest to do.

It makes the difference between our kids learning responsibility versus learning resentment.

It’s the heart of Love and Logic, and it’s key to making just about any parenting technique work.

Those familiar with Love and Logic know that I’m talking about empathy. We’ve all seen it in action. We’ve all seen how much better kids respond when we provide strong doses of sincere empathy before we describe consequences.

That’s the Love and Logic formula: Heap on the empathy before providing the consequence.

Why it’s so easy to forget as we go through our daily lives with our families?

I don’t know. It just is. One strategy for staying on track is listening to the very same Love and Logic CD over and over again. The more times you listen, the easier it is to remember when the pressure is on. The CD, The Four Steps to Responsibility is my personal favorite. It reminds me that kids learn from mistakes only when they know that we really love them and care.

Thanks for reading!
Dr. Charles Fay

Remember: Children argue because they are testing your limit. That is their job.

YOUR job is to hold firm, keep the limit.

You don’t have to justify or explain your decision. Maybe you could have a talk at a later date when everyone is calm, BUT NOT NOW.

What I like about this story is the Mom’s ability to use the one-liner “What did I say” most effectively, without losing her cool! Not an easy thing to do. And the result she got was just what she wanted. Additionally the relationship with her son was still maintained. BRAVO Mom!

“The day after we announced that we were going to have no ‘screen time” during the school week, my 12 year old son came downstairs for breakfast and flipped on the TV.  I told him that we won’t be watching TV on school mornings and asked him to please turn it off. 

He didn’t register that I was speaking to him.  I said “what did I say” with all of the empathy I could muster.  Still, no sign from him that he could hear me at all. 

Summoning all of my empathy and trying to remain brain dead to the fact that he was ignoring me, I repeated “what did I say again” and he finally snapped at me: “Is that all you are going to say, ‘what did I say’”??? I repeated it again with calmness: “what did I say”.? He then mimicked me with a snide voice:  “what did I say”, what did I say “, what did I say,”  

 I repressed all of my instincts to yell at him, went brain dead and repeated it again.  He then said “I’m not going to just sit here and listen to you say ‘what did I say’ all the time”. 

He then turned the TV off and quietly sat down to eat his breakfast.

Ahh, no more being ignored and getting backtalk when I ask for respect!

If you would like some help with stopping arguing, send me an email and I’d be glad to help. If you have a success story of your own about how you stopped the arguing, please share on my Fan Page! We’d love to hear about it!

“He was cutting up some apple with our 3 and 6 yr boys. While cutting he asked, “Do you want it cut in two or three pieces? Do you want the skin on or off? Do you want seeds or no seeds?  Do you want worm or no worm?” 

“My kids thought it was so funny and silly that daddy was giving them so many choices just for their apple and they were just laughing at how silly daddy was being about a worm in their apple.  It was great to see my husband make a first step toward becoming a love and logic parent and seeing my kids respond so well to such a simple technique.”

This story makes me smile. I bet it makes you smile too. I’m so glad the mom hung in there and modeled offering choices instead of trying to talk her husband into it. He got it and added humor besides! I’m sure this lightened the mood for everyone and now this family has many more fun and silly moments around offering choices.

How about you trying silly choices? Do it! Inspire other parents to try this tool in a fun way and look forward to the results. Let me know how it goes!

This class is for parents of school-aged children. Learn the 12 tools that help with stopping backtalk, arguing, disrespectful behavior, help with homework time, getting chores done on time, and learn how to come up with consequences when you can’t think of any at the moment. We will also learn how to use allowances to teach responsibility and as an effective consequence for making a poor decision.

Location: Encinal School TERC Room

181 Encinal Ave Atherton

Dates: Wednesdays: 9/14,9/21,9/28, 10/5, 10/12

Time: 7-8:30 PM

Love and Logic Early Childhood Parenting Made Fun!

This class is for parents of young children: tots, preschoolers, and children in the early years of school. Learn the 12 tools that stop temper tantrums and whinning, get rid of dawdling, tips for bedtime, a more effective technique than “time out” and making mealtime less stressful.

Location: Deborah’s Palm, a women’s community and non-profit resource center

555 Lytton Ave Palo Alto

Dates: Mondays: 9/12, 9/19, 9/26, 10/3, 10/10

Time: 10-11:30 AM  or  7-8:30 PM

Please register for the time that is most convenient for you.

Cost for either class:

$ 150 Individual $ 225 Couple. This includes a Parent Workbook, handouts and use of an extensive Love and Logic Lending Library of DVDs and CDs. Parents enjoy the convenience of taking home L&L tapes to listen to at home as it really extends what they are learning in class.

To register for either class go to my website: www.janadaclark.com

Information? Call me at (650) 400-4798

“Settle down, Jason,” warned his coach. “Give the others a break. It’s not all about you. Share the ball or I’m going to have to pull you from the game.” Hearing this, Jason ran screaming at two of the other players, pushed one down and kicked the ball over the fence.

Needless to say, he was pulled from the game.

The trip home was no fun for his mom as she listened to him complaining about how stupid the other kids were and how unfair the coach was treating him. All she could think about was that her son had forgotten their talks that it is more important to be a good person and a good sport than it is to be a soccer star.

The next day, Mom made phone calls to the coach and to several of the other team mothers. “I need your help to teach Jason the importance of becoming a good person rather than just a good soccer player. Would you be willing to charge Jason if he calls for rides to games? You would? Oh, thank you so much.”

Mom then had a discussion with Jason. “I take you to your soccer games because it’s fun for me. Your last game wasn’t fun. I was embarrassed by your behavior. I will drive you to your game again some day after the coach tells me that you have become a good sport.”

“How am I supposed to get to the games if you’re not driving me?”

“Well, sweetie, that’s something I was wondering about as well.”

“I’ll just get a ride with some of the other guys.”

After making several calls, Jason yelled, “This is a rip off! All the other moms want to charge me to ride with them. They don’t even care if the team loses! This stinks!”

Mom held the line. After several weeks and Jason having spent $20.00 on rides, the coach called with a good report and lavish thanks to this courageous mother.

The remaining games were a lot more fun for both Jason and his mother.

Thanks for reading!

Jim Fay